TPCS Podcast: Mental Health Resilience in Gay Men

It’s no surprise that gay men have been one of the many groups subject to mental health issues. What is surprising, though, is how well they bounce back from such issues. Our guest this week has studied resilience in gay men and literally wrote the book on the subject. He shares with us some stories found in the book and behind-the-pages experiences from the writing of it. He stresses that the book is not just for the gay community, however, as many of the issues are fairly universal, including the anger we feel due to our experiences. Listen to hear more.

Subscribe to Our Show!
The Psych Central Show Podcast iTunes The Psych Central Show Podast on Spotify Google Play The Psych Central Show
And Remember to Review Us!

Resilience in Gay Men Show Highlights:

“The real surprise is not the disproportionate rate of mental illness among gay men, but the high proportion of resilience.” ~ John-Manuel Andriote

[4:30]   Is this book just for the gay community?

[5:58]   Stories of resilience.

[12:57] What about the anger from our experiences?

[15:36] Are there any specific mental health issues in the LGBT community that don’t exist outside of it?

[18:35] How John writes such a wide variety of genres.

[22:41] Surprising things learned while writing the book.

 

About Our Guest

John-Manuel Andriote has written about LGBT, HIV-AIDS, and other health and medical subjects since the early 1980s. He is the author of Stonewall Strong: Gay Men’s Heroic Fight for Resilience, Good Health, and a Strong Community; Victory Deferred: How AIDS Changed Gay Life in America; Hot Stuff: A Brief History of Disco/Dance Music; Tough Love: A Washington

Reporter Finds Resilience, Ruin, and Zombies in His ‘Other Connecticut’ Hometown; and a ‘fable for kids ages 5 to 105’ called Wilhelmina Goes Wandering. His articles have appeared in the Washington Post, The Atlantic, the Huffington Post, and leading LGBT publications across America. Andriote regularly speaks to audiences at conferences and universities and is interviewed by print and broadcast media. He has been an adjunct communication and journalism instructor at Eastern Connecticut State University and Three Rivers Community College, and has served as a communication and senior technical advisor for U.S. government-supported and non-governmental HIV-AIDS projects since the late 1980s.

Find him online:

Website | Facebook | LinkedIn |Twitter | YouTube

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

 

Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

 

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2LGEEn2
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177553896270

9 Suggestions for Stressed-Out Working Moms

You’re a working mom who often feels stressed out. You’re exhausted. Maybe you feel like you’re not giving what you want to give to your kids and to your job. Maybe you also feel like you’re regularly running around and yet nothing really gets done. Maybe you don’t have enough energy. You certainly don’t have enough time.

Lack of time is a top stressor for Katelyn Denning’s clients. The moms she coaches feel like they don’t have enough time for their work, their kids, chores, projects and for themselves.

Maybe this sounds all-too familiar.

Working motherhood may be tricky and sometimes complicated. But it doesn’t have to be hard, according to Sarah Argenal, a mom to two boys who writes, speaks, consults and leads interactive trainings on work/life balance, intentional living, and connected family relationships for busy professionals at www.workingparentresource.com.

“Being a working mom can be an adventure, a fulfilling and enjoyable experience—albeit with challenging moments peppered throughout,” Argenal said.

Below you’ll find a variety of practical suggestions to help you minimize stress and savor the adventure.

Track and analyze your time. Denning suggested checking out Laura Vanderkam’s writing, which includes powerful time-management books, such as Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done and I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time. (I love her work, too.) Vanderkam has a time-tracking sheet you can download at her website.

Denning has worked with many clients who discover that they actually have more time than they think they do, especially when they focus on an entire week (versus a single day).

“If you look at a single day as a working mom, it can feel overwhelming with everything that you have to do,” said Denning, a mom of two and a coach for new moms just returning to work, helping them set priorities, tackle mom guilt, and simplify their lives so they can enjoy working motherhood. But when you look at your week, you might realize that you have several open evenings or mornings for meaningful activities.

Tune in. “The longer I’m a mom, the more I realize that being a parent is all just one continuous evolution,” Argenal said. Every new phase her kids go through sparks new challenges and opportunities for growth. For everyone. Which also can feel disorienting, she said.

Argenal has found it helpful to regularly check in with herself. She suggested doing this especially “when you’re feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or like you’re doing it all wrong”: How are you feeling? What’s on your mind? What’s stressing you out, or draining you? What triggers you? What energizes you? What makes you happy? What do you need? How can you give this to yourself?

Be bad at things. “I don’t mind that I choose to be ‘bad’ at dinner parties,” said Sarah K. Peck, the founder of Startup Pregnant, a website for women entrepreneurial parents, and host of The Startup Pregnant Podcast, an interview show digging into the lives of working parents. She makes 8-minute pasta with butter because what really matters to her is being with friends (instead of waiting until she has the time and energy to prepare a big, fancy meal).

“Pick a few things to care about, and then make sure you’re getting ‘D’s’ and ‘F’s’ on your report card in other areas,” said Peck, a mom to one son and expecting her second.

Denning also helps her clients identify and prioritize what’s most important to them (versus doing something because they think they should). For instance, maybe you love making home-cooked meals or maybe you feel pressured to. Maybe you love yoga, and it’s vital for your well-being, and thereby a non-negotiable.      

Rethink work hours. Is it possible to adjust your work hours so they work better for you? Can you work from home some days? When Peck was growing up, her dad worked from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. and did school pick-up. As an entrepreneur, Peck sets her own schedule and doesn’t have a commute.

Focus on your energy. “[W]hen I have more energy, I can plan and deliver from a place of enthusiasm, instead of feeling depleted,” said Arianna Taboada, a maternal health expert, author, and owner of a consulting firm that helps female founders intelligently design maternity leave plans that meet their business model and personal needs.

Recently, she realized that she feels more energized after sitting quietly with a book than after taking exercise classes. So, today, she carves out time to read two to three times a week.

Do less. “What works for me in this season of life—parenting a toddler and being the sole breadwinner—is: constantly find ways to do less,” Taboada said. Right now, this looks like not traveling for work more than three times a year, having her son in one activity, and doing only one “event” on weekends.

Argenal is also selective and intentional about her time. She used to say yes to everything: from reviewing a friend’s manuscript to taking on last-minute work projects to handling most of the housework. Which only left her drowning. “Today my family, my health, and anything else that fulfills me as a person gets my precious time, attention, and energy. Everything else—household chores, relationship drama, work ‘emergencies’—is delegated, minimized, automated, or eliminated from my life altogether.”

Don’t wait until you’ve got more time. Many of Denning’s clients put off projects until they have plenty of time to work on them. But the key is to start. “You’ll be 5 minutes further along than you were before and eventually those add up to a completed project,” she said. “Besides, when was the last time you actually had a significant chunk of uninterrupted time?”

Denning also suggested setting a timer to see how long tasks actually take. They might take less time than you think.

Experiment and reevaluate. “The routines and priorities that my clients set today, don’t have to be forever,” Denning said. “I encourage them to always reevaluate and change as their circumstances change.”

Taboada does quarter-long experiments: “[I]f one way of doing things isn’t working, I make some small tweaks, try them for a quarter, and assess.”

Create a ta-da list. This is what Denning calls a running list of tasks you’ve accomplished.  “We tend to look only at our looming to-do lists and all that we haven’t done. When you think about all that you do, from getting dinner on the table, taking care of your kids, paying bills, washing laundry and even catching 10 minutes to read a book, it’s pretty amazing.”

There are things beyond your control that really suck in today’s society,” like finding daycare coverage and commuting between work and school, Peck said. Sometimes, it can feel overwhelming just getting from place to place.

Taboada also noted that our social institutions and structures don’t make it easy to be working moms. “I believe what will change that is larger socio-cultural shifts, as well as finding the small ways we can maintain and survive with the resources available in the meantime.”

And by making some changes and tweaks, you can not only survive as a working mom. You can thrive, and you can flourish. In all spheres of your life.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2BYIRCZ
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177538521805

7 Tips to Take Charge of Your Time — and Your Life

“I know I should get to the gym every day but I don’t have time.” “I’d love to read to my kids every night but I don’t have time.” “I’d really like to get together with friends but I don’t have time.” “I know I should volunteer more but I just can’t fit it in.” “I’d work on the hobby I love but I don’t have time.”

Time. Time. Time. It’s such a common lament. I hear it every day — from my clients, from my friends, from my adult kids, from myself. The clock seems to be the enemy of all that is enriching, delighting and nurturing. Caught up in what we think we have to do, we put the things we most love to do, even things we need to do for our own physical and emotional health, at the bottom of the list.

The result? Our health suffers. Our relationships suffer. Our kids grow up without the family fun and nurturing they deserve. Hobby supplies get relegated to the back of the closet. We give up on dreams.

Sound familiar? Are you in charge of your time or has it become in charge of you? If you want to take more control of your time and your life, here’s a 7 step program for getting there.

7 Tips for Making Change

  1. Stop making excuses. You have the same number of hours in a day as everyone else. Look around. There are people you know who also have demanding jobs, families, and mental health issues who none the less are living more satisfying lives than you are. Yes, I know. There are people who seem to have more energy or need less sleep or who are not burdened by anxiety. But the fact is that there are people much like you who are living more balanced lives than you are. The first step to making any change, even a change in your use of time, is to take responsibility for however you are contributing to the problem.
  2. Set goals: Make a serious list of the things you would do if you had more time. Keep it real and realistic. Yes, you might fantasize about saving the world or making a cool million. But more realistic ideas are to make time to do some charitable work and to gradually increase your income. You might want to find a final cure for social anxiety that keeps you isolated. But a more realistic goal is to identify and take a first step toward getting back out into the world. Star the 3 things on the list that are most important to you. Those are your immediate goals.
  3. Keep a time diary for two weeks: Before bed each night, write down how you spent each hour of the day. Write down what you were doing and how you felt about it. Did you really have to do it? Did you want to do it? Are there things you could have done differently so you’d have more time for the things that most matter to you? If you find you can’t look back and remember a whole day, then take out your diary several times a day and fill it in. Yes, I know this is tedious. I know that it is hard to take time to keep track of your time. But if you are serious about making a change, this is where you start. As a bonus: Researchers have found that as soon as people start tracking any effort to change a habit, whether it is weight loss, smoking cessation, daily exercise, or anything else, there is improvement. Being aware is the first step to making change.
  4. Examine your data: Look at your patterns and choices in your time diary. Is there a difference between how you say you want to spend your time and what you are actually doing with it? Are there demands on your time that you really, really wish were not there? Are there practical reasons (low income) or emotional issues (depression) that are getting in the way? Take notes. Think hard about what you are discovering.
  5. Make a plan: Studies show us that making a plan and taking even a step or two makes us feel better about ourselves. Go back to those 3 goals. Identify one or two new choices you can make right now, this minute, that will move you closer to being more in charge of your time and your life. Do take real limitations into consideration but don’t make them bigger than they are.
  6. Get support: It’s human nature: People generally stick to making changes if they feel accountable to someone else. Find a partner or a group. Check in regularly. Be a helper as well as a help-ee. Too anxious to meet with others? Use one of the forums here at PsychCentral as a starting point. Too little time for checking in? Really? Maybe committing to a daily or weekly check-in is the first step toward taking charge of your time.
  7. Track your changes: Someone once said “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Move from thinking about making changes in how you use time to doing it! Before bed every night, review what you’ve done or not done. Give yourself lots of credit for every small victory. But don’t scold yourself if your old habits caught you yet again. Just think about what you can do tomorrow to get back on track.

Change is difficult. We are all capable of staying in our uncomfortable but familiar ruts. It’s important to remember that anything that is important takes the willingness to be uncomfortable for awhile and the commitment to stick with it. You can do it.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2Nv0trD
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177518584810

7 Tips to Take Charge of Your Time — and Your Life

“I know I should get to the gym every day but I don’t have time.” “I’d love to read to my kids every night but I don’t have time.” “I’d really like to get together with friends but I don’t have time.” “I know I should volunteer more but I just can’t fit it in.” “I’d work on the hobby I love but I don’t have time.”

Time. Time. Time. It’s such a common lament. I hear it every day — from my clients, from my friends, from my adult kids, from myself. The clock seems to be the enemy of all that is enriching, delighting and nurturing. Caught up in what we think we have to do, we put the things we most love to do, even things we need to do for our own physical and emotional health, at the bottom of the list.

The result? Our health suffers. Our relationships suffer. Our kids grow up without the family fun and nurturing they deserve. Hobby supplies get relegated to the back of the closet. We give up on dreams.

Sound familiar? Are you in charge of your time or has it become in charge of you? If you want to take more control of your time and your life, here’s a 7 step program for getting there.

7 Tips for Making Change

  1. Stop making excuses. You have the same number of hours in a day as everyone else. Look around. There are people you know who also have demanding jobs, families, and mental health issues who none the less are living more satisfying lives than you are. Yes, I know. There are people who seem to have more energy or need less sleep or who are not burdened by anxiety. But the fact is that there are people much like you who are living more balanced lives than you are. The first step to making any change, even a change in your use of time, is to take responsibility for however you are contributing to the problem.
  2. Set goals: Make a serious list of the things you would do if you had more time. Keep it real and realistic. Yes, you might fantasize about saving the world or making a cool million. But more realistic ideas are to make time to do some charitable work and to gradually increase your income. You might want to find a final cure for social anxiety that keeps you isolated. But a more realistic goal is to identify and take a first step toward getting back out into the world. Star the 3 things on the list that are most important to you. Those are your immediate goals.
  3. Keep a time diary for two weeks: Before bed each night, write down how you spent each hour of the day. Write down what you were doing and how you felt about it. Did you really have to do it? Did you want to do it? Are there things you could have done differently so you’d have more time for the things that most matter to you? If you find you can’t look back and remember a whole day, then take out your diary several times a day and fill it in. Yes, I know this is tedious. I know that it is hard to take time to keep track of your time. But if you are serious about making a change, this is where you start. As a bonus: Researchers have found that as soon as people start tracking any effort to change a habit, whether it is weight loss, smoking cessation, daily exercise, or anything else, there is improvement. Being aware is the first step to making change.
  4. Examine your data: Look at your patterns and choices in your time diary. Is there a difference between how you say you want to spend your time and what you are actually doing with it? Are there demands on your time that you really, really wish were not there? Are there practical reasons (low income) or emotional issues (depression) that are getting in the way? Take notes. Think hard about what you are discovering.
  5. Make a plan: Studies show us that making a plan and taking even a step or two makes us feel better about ourselves. Go back to those 3 goals. Identify one or two new choices you can make right now, this minute, that will move you closer to being more in charge of your time and your life. Do take real limitations into consideration but don’t make them bigger than they are.
  6. Get support: It’s human nature: People generally stick to making changes if they feel accountable to someone else. Find a partner or a group. Check in regularly. Be a helper as well as a help-ee. Too anxious to meet with others? Use one of the forums here at PsychCentral as a starting point. Too little time for checking in? Really? Maybe committing to a daily or weekly check-in is the first step toward taking charge of your time.
  7. Track your changes: Someone once said “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Move from thinking about making changes in how you use time to doing it! Before bed every night, review what you’ve done or not done. Give yourself lots of credit for every small victory. But don’t scold yourself if your old habits caught you yet again. Just think about what you can do tomorrow to get back on track.

Change is difficult. We are all capable of staying in our uncomfortable but familiar ruts. It’s important to remember that anything that is important takes the willingness to be uncomfortable for awhile and the commitment to stick with it. You can do it.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2Nv0trD
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177518584810

Beneath the Surface of Helicopter Parenting

The prevalence and rise of anxiety is documented and, with the abundance of informational sources available at arms-length, you do not have to look far for bad news. A sense of danger, both subtle and blatant, projects from the screens that dominate attention.

As the world gets bigger in an interconnected way, the interpersonal sphere of those closest and most important to us becomes more influential, particularly to the basic needs of children. The holding environment created by parents while children are dependent, as well as the health of the attachment, become crucial to the quality of two vital parenting responsibilities: providing the safety of “home base” as well as the conditions for exploration.

How some have chosen to engage this challenge may seem to have some value on the surface, but on a deeper level sabotages fundamentals of growth. “Helicopter” parenting, the hovering, overinvolved, and overprotective posture assumed by many moms and dads, attempts to spare children from pain, suffering, conflict, and the darker, cruder side of life. While it may appear to come from a place of positive intent, the approach derives from pain and fear. While hovering may have its roots in a parent’s personal history or lack of insight into healthy development, insulating children from the challenge and emotions of conflict, responsibility, and adversity comes at a cost.  

Equal to the importance of providing nurturance and support, is what balances the authoritative parenting style: setting limits and building the coping and problem-solving skills so important to resilience, self-control, and personal responsibility. Interestingly, when we examine the four parenting styles that emerge from the combination of levels of the factors of support/nurturance and demand/expectations, only one style is associated positively with self-regulation: the authoritative style. This style is one that is high in support and demand. The authoritative parent acknowledges that building relationships, competence, and autonomy all require a flexible, resilient character, one that uses the ups and downs of life as opportunities to grow and learn. Self-regulation emerges both from modeling as well as allowing children the opportunity to experience, modulate, and manage the negative emotions that accompany conflict, disappointment, and adversity.

Hovering and clearing a sterile swath of problem-free terrain does not provide a realistic environment for children to grow from dependent to independence. Studies consistently point to the connection between this parenting approach and less than optimal developmental outcomes in the areas social-emotional, academic productivity, and self-regulation. The meta-message of hovering is “You are weak and you can’t handle this.” The fear that fuels protectiveness over time creates the conditions of entitlement, anxiety, and dependence. Helicopter parents assume that there are no consequences to their actions, and that independence and resilience are a function of age and genetic make-up, and not experience. But the detriment to development surfaces very early as other children only will play with someone for so long when that child always has to have it his way and falls apart when he doesn’t.

This does not mean parents should go looking for conflict and challenge. Everyday life offers plenty of opportunity to increase autonomy and resilience. For young children, play can be as challenging as it gets, full of negotiation, delaying gratification, and things just not going your way. For older children, peer relationships and developing a sense of competence are challenging with plenty of room to learn and practice coping skills, problem-solving, and regulating emotions.

Here are 5 strategies to help parents shift from helicopter mode to a more authoritative approach:

  1. Make sense of your experience of being parented. Our most intense and intimate experience of parenting is the first-person experience of our own upbringing. A great deal of this time we were dependent upon our parents on our way to becoming independent. This point of view is critical to understanding how we learned about ourselves, relationships, and how the world works. A robust predictor of parenting is whether or not we have made sense of our experience of being parented. Simply put, if we have made a coherent narrative of the past, these experiences will not intrude upon the present. This is a hopeful notion for regardless of past conditions, we can make sense and parent in a proactive and responsive manner.
  2. Build problem-solving skills. Problems are a regularly occurring part of life and are opportunities to build our thinking capacity as well as reciprocity within relationships. Studies find that intrusive and over-controlling parenting interferes with the development of emotional regulation and inhibitory control that children need to handle problems. Normalizing the inevitability of problems and modeling aloud the problem-solving process builds skills and reduces anxiousness.
  3. Process disappointments. Feeling fully from start to finish when things do not go our way is a valuable experience. Processing the sequence of emotions, choices, and outcomes creates coherent narratives and is more likely to promote an approach attitude rather than the avoidance stance that is common in anxiety.
  4. Coach children through conflicts. At the psychological core of well-being is the attitude of approach rather than avoid. Providing the appropriate scaffolding through conflict builds the cognitive and emotional resources needed for present and future challenges. This empowering stance is much different than letting kids figure it out for themselves for the literature points out that early on children require scaffolding and co-regulation from adults.
  5. Model resilience and composure. Children learn substantial lessons by watching us. How we handle when things go our way and when things do not is in full view. We can use these moments purposefully in modeling the beliefs, skills, and attitudes that we say matters. Do not underestimate the power of walking your talk for this creates the conditions within the family culture for grit and resilience to develop.

References

Panepinto, J.C. (2016). Up follows down: Resilience in everyday life. Bradenton, FL: Booklocker.

Perry, N. B., Dollar, J. M., Calkins, S. D., Keane, S. P., & Shanahan, L. (2018). Childhood self-regulation as a mechanism through which early overcontrolling parenting is associated with adjustment in preadolescence. Developmental psychology.

Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2013). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. TarcherPerigee.

https://ift.tt/2MJQ9ft

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2PMmgg2
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177468171765

​Activities & Tricks to Help Kids Learn Key Social Skills

Author imageSeeing as most kids nowadays have their eyes glued on different types of screens, one might argue that social development is now more important than ever. Our children still need to learn how to interact with other people in the community and that’s where social skills come in.

Children with better social skills have a greater chance of cultivating more positive relationships and interactions with others and they generally have healthy self-esteem. Conversely, poor social skills have been linked to an increased risk of various physical and mental health problems including loneliness, anxiety and depression.

While many aspects of social development are an innate part of your kid’s unique personality and temperament, the environment they grow up in also determines how socially adept they become. Luckily, social skills can (and should) be taught even from a young age. As you endeavor to improve your kids’ social skills, remember that these are best learned in a social environment so have your kids interact in groups as much as possible.

Here are some fun activities and tricks that can help hone your kids’ social skills:

1. Board games to teach kids how to cooperate and take turns.

There’s nothing like a game of Snakes & Ladders to teach your kids how to play together, negotiate on who goes first and wait patiently for their turn. A good board game will also help your child learn how to follow instructions, stick with rules and be a good sport whether they’ve won or not.

You can also change up the rules of some games to encourage kids to cooperate towards a common goal e.g. instead of competing against each other while playing Uno, you can have them work together to eliminate adults instead. Remember to choose age-appropriate games and they’ll have so much fun that they won’t realize they’re also learning.

2. Play “Would you rather” to practice decision-making skills.

Decisions are part of life and what better way to help your kids refine those skills than engaging in a silly, goofy and outlandish game of “Would you rather…?” The good thing about this game is that you can come up with lots of options that compel kids to pause and think before making a decision. You can stimulate further thought by asking them to explain why they chose one option over another. Have kids come up with their own questions to make it more fun.

Some favorites include:

  • Would you rather grow all your own food or sew your own clothes?
  • Would you rather be able to control water or fire?
  • Would you rather always talk in rhymes or sing instead of speak?

3. Improve their communication skills by getting them to discuss favorite topics.

The ability to communicate effectively with others will determine the kind of interactions your child will have as well as the kinds of relationships they’ll forge in life. Effective communication consists of many distinct skills including conversation skills, listening skills, remembering what others say, reading body language and non-verbal cues, to mention a few.

One of the best ways to help kids learn these skills is by encouraging them to talk about their favorite topics. If you have more than one child, group them into pairs and have them practice the back and forth of a conversation. Make it a game where they have to listen intently to what the other person says, perhaps even write it down and then you can ask what they’ve learned about each other’s favorite topics.

4. Use books and videos to help kids identify and express their emotions.

The ability to identify, express, accept or manage feelings is crucial to a child’s emotional development. Identifying emotions and finding healthy ways to express them are skills that last into adulthood. Being young, kids struggle to name what they’re feeling and they might also struggle with managing emotions.

As part of your kid’s learning, you can read kids’ books about feelings or watch videos together that help them understand their emotions. To make things more interactive, you can create a chart listing different emotional states then have your kids draw different faces showing those feelings and stick them on the corresponding areas on the chart.

5. Teach kids to problem solve with entertaining activities.

We parents are often guilty of stepping in to help our kids whenever we see them struggling. Unfortunately, this can cripple their ability to solve problems on their own. Luckily, there are a variety of activities your kids can participate in to encourage them to look at problems from different angles and come up with alternative solutions.

Some classic problem-solving games include jigsaw puzzles, jenga blocks and charades. Older kids can be introduced to origami or you can even have them follow a recipe to make a simple snack.

Several games and activities can always be modified to tickle your kids’ creativity in order to polish their social skills. Above all, remember that you are your kids’ biggest role model, so ensure you set a good example for them to emulate.

Resources:

Improving Communication With Your Teen- Infographic (n.d). Retrieved from https://www.sundancecanyonacademy.com/improving-communication-with-your-teen-infographic/

Emotional Development (n.d). Retrieved from https://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/mental-health-matters/social-and-emotional-learning/emotional-development

Katie (2017, May 3). 45+ books about feelings for kids. Retrieved from https://www.giftofcuriosity.com/books-about-feelings-for-kids/

Editor. (2016, October 4). 17 Fun Problem Solving Activities & Games [for Kids, Adults and Teens]. Retrieved from https://icebreakerideas.com/problem-solving-activities/

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2PCOb1P
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177411520390

Psychology Around the Net: August 25, 2018

Author image

Happy Saturday!

School just started back in my neck of the woods, so in addition to the connection between brain function and heart health, the psychology of food, and other mental health news, this week’s Psychology Around the Net takes a look at some important kid-specific topics like dealing with back-to-school anxiety, the impact of mental illness on teen friendships, and why doctors are going to start prescribing playtime!

How to Help Your Kids Cope With Back-to-School Anxiety: Some worry is normal, right? Naturally kids are going to be a little anxious (and maybe even excited) about who their teachers will be, whether they’ll have class with their friends — whether they’re going to make friends — and if they’ll be able to keep up with their school subjects. However, just because it’s normal doesn’t mean there aren’t ways you can help smooth the transition, and there are signs to look for when “normal worry” turns into “extreme anxiety.”

Scientist Explores the Nexus Between Appetite and Psychology: A bad mood could make your food taste sour. Organic foods could make you feel superior and judgmental. Want to eat less? Try putting your food on a red plate. The psychological influences on our appetites are fascinating!

Brain Function Tied to Heart Health Early and Late in Life: Two new reports show that the cardiovascular health of both young and older folk is tied to brain function.

Regarding Teens and Friendship, Misery Does Love Company: Researchers from Florida Atlantic University and collaborators studied whether internalizing poor mental health symptoms such as anxiety, depressions, and social withdrawal could predict the end of teen friendships. Does a teenager’s friendships end because of the teen’s mental health problems or because of the differences in the ways friends suffer from these problems?

The Secret to Business Success That Will Improve Your Mental Health: I won’t give it away here, but be prepared to think about how the success of your business can benefit more than just your bank account.

The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children: The American Academy of Pediatrics has released a report emphasizing the important role playtime plays (pun sort of intended) in helping children develop social-emotional, cognitive, language, and self-regulation skills and providing pediatric doctors with the information they need to “write a prescription” for playtime.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2Lpfb1n
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177376501380

Here’s Why Your’s & Elon Musk’s Lack of Sleep is Bad

If you wonder what lack of sleep looks like, look no further than Elon Musk’s erratic behavior over the past few months. From believing that he alone had the time and unique resources to save the Thai boys trapped in a cave to prematurely tweeting that he had “funding secured” (when he didn’t) for a private buyout of Tesla, his embattled electric car company, Musk has shown a troubling pattern of ignoring his own self-care.

So what does lack of sleep look like, and why is it so bad? Let’s take a look.

Sleep is vital to our body’s functioning, our mental and cognitive abilities, and our overall health. Research has shown that a person who constantly and consistently deprives themselves of a good night’s sleep can also have a shorter life expectancy. Lack of sleep can literally kill you sooner.

Most people put off these concerns with, “Well, I’ll sleep more when X is done,” or, “I’ll catch up with sleep on the weekend.” Not only do these things never happen, they can actually hurt. For instance, one study found that skimping on sleep and then trying to catch up on it later hurts both attention and creativity. But problems with lack of sleep don’t end there. Lack of sleep leads to increased anxiety — hardly something you want to be cultivating in your life.

Elon Musk’s Workaholism

Lack of sleep can be tied to workaholism, and an overarching belief that a person needs to continue working because only he or she can get the work needed done, done right, and done in a timely manner. In an interview with the New York Times published in mid-August, Elon Musk detailed the “excruciating” year he’s had as the chairman and chief executive of Tesla, the electric car maker.

He said he had been working up to 120 hours a week recently — echoing the reason he cited in a recent public apology to an analyst whom he had berated. In the interview, Mr. Musk said he had not taken more than a week off since 2001, when he was bedridden with malaria.

“There were times when I didn’t leave the factory for three or four days — days when I didn’t go outside,” he said. “This has really come at the expense of seeing my kids. And seeing friends.”

This is concerning behavior for anyone. If a loved one started acting this way in our lives, I think we’d all be concerned and reach out to him or her to express our desire to help this person slow down a bit.

Most companies — even startups — don’t require or need their chief executive to work 120 hours a week. That’s not normal behavior for a chief executive. If he or she is working that much, that indicates a serious leadership and organizational problem within the company.

More concerning is that if Musk really is working 120 hours a week, that means he’s working an average 17 hours per day. That leaves only 7 hours a day for things like commuting, eating, and sleeping — not to mention his constant tweeting and conversations with others on social media. It’s no wonder a person in Musk’s position might feel overwhelmed, because that’s not enough time to actually engage — for most people anyway — the most meaningful part of our lives: friends and family.

Social connections define most people’s lives, they aren’t just an afterthought or something you have to schedule around your work. It would be concerning to me if a loved one was acting in this way, putting such an unnatural emphasis solely on work. Nobody is at their best when they engage 17 hours straight, 7 days a week, in activities requiring consistent and reliable cognition, attention, and focus.

Good Sleep via Ambien

Although Ambien (zolpidem) increases sleep quality and quantity in most people who take it (Huang et al., 2012), using it regularly to get a good night’s sleep is not usually recommended. Joshua Lio, MD, a physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and a clinical fellow at Harvard Medical School wrote a few years ago about the downsides of Ambien:

On one hand, sleep medications like Ambien can work, and work well. Insomnia can be debilitating. Many have used them safely and effectively, and some people swear by them. On the other hand, they can lead to dependence and worsen the mental clouding that many insomniacs already experience.

More importantly, by limiting discussions to specific medications and their doses, we miss a fundamental issue in treating insomnia: sleep hygiene. By focusing on “hygienic” habits around sleep (avoiding napping, not eating or drinking caffeine or alcohol right before bed, establishing regular bedtime routines, exercising, using beds only for sleep, etc.) many people can achieve better sleep. Adopting those habits can often mean that medications can be used more sparingly, and at lower doses, if at all.

Some research has shown that certain kinds of use of Ambien (zolpidem) can result in memory issues (Hall-Porter et al., 2014; Pompeia et al., 2004; Wesensten et al., 1995). A meta-analysis and review of the research of Ambien’s cognitive effects (Stranks & Crowe, 2014) found:

[T]he effect sizes calculated for each domain of cognitive functioning based on data of participants who ingested zolpidem prior to bedtime revealed that performance on attention, performance on verbal memory, and performance on psychomotor speed were each impaired as compared to that of controls, with attention and verbal memory both found to be moderately impaired.

Overall, this pattern of results indicates that the use of zopiclone has fewer deleterious effects on cognition in healthy adults than does zolpidem, which has additional specific adverse effects on attention and processing speed.

In other words, according to the research, use of Ambien impacts a person’s next-day cognitive abilities.

Ambien & Odd Behavior

Ambien is a sedative hypnotic that binds selectively at the benzodiazepine site containing GABAA receptors. Because of it where it binds to other neurotransmitters in the brain, it makes a person more susceptible to things like sleepwalking and memory blackouts. It’s no wonder then that Ambien has been linked to some odd behavior in some people who rely on it regularly to get to sleep. John Cline, Ph.D., a sleep psychologist, wrote,

Over the past decade, I have worked with a number of patients who could probably sympathize with [Roseanne] Barr’s situation. I have, not infrequently, encountered people who have engaged in sleepwalking, sleep driving, and even criminal activity while under the influence of Ambien. I’ve heard sometimes amusing but more often frightening stories of people who have done things they don’t remember, such as making a purchase and driving to the store to pick it up.

While Roseanne Barr attributed her recent twitter behavior to Ambien, the most famous example of odd behavior while on Ambien takes us back to 2006. That year, Representative Patrick J. Kennedy of Rhode Island had a motor vehicle accident in Washington, DC, which he later attributed to Ambien use. Such odd behavior has been documented in the research literature as well (for example, Farkas et al., 2013).

From the NYT interview article, Musk also appears to be engaging in some odd behaviors of late, including the recent “funding secured” tweet:

[Musk] wrangled with short-sellers and belittled analysts for asking “boring, bonehead” questions. And after sending a team of engineers from one of his companies to help rescue members of a stranded soccer team [the Thailand cave rescue, which ultimately was done without Musk’s help], he lashed out at a cave diver who was dismissive of the gesture, deriding him on Twitter as a “pedo guy,” or pedophile.

To help sleep when he is not working, Mr. Musk said he sometimes takes Ambien. “It is often a choice of no sleep or Ambien,” he said.

But this has worried some board members, who have noted that sometimes the drug does not put Mr. Musk to sleep but instead contributes to late-night Twitter sessions.

It should worry them, since the effects of Ambien are really unknown in any specific person unless that person undergoes neuropsychological testing or has been to a sleep lab.

The NYT’s article notes that for years, Tesla’s board has been trying to recruit a chief operating officer to help take some of the work off of Musk’s crowded plate. It’s unlikely anybody reasonable would want the job, however, because it would require the tunnel-vision dedication to work (“Willing to work 120 hours/week? Have I got the job for you!”) that most people simply don’t have. Not because they’re not dedicated to the work, but because it’s not healthy or normal to work that many hours at a job. For anything.

What’s normal is celebrating your birthday every year with friends and family. What’s normal is taking a day or two off to celebrate your brother’s wedding. What’s normal is finding a balance in your life between work and home. Musk hasn’t done these things, demonstrating traits that some may find attractive — but that most would find concerning, especially if they appeared in a loved one. We hope Musk finds that balance in his life and takes care not just of his physical health, but his mental health too.

Conflict of interest disclosure: The author has no financial stake and holds no positions or interests in TSLA or any of Elon Musk’s companies.

References

Farkas, Ronald H.; Unger, Ellis F.; Temple, R. (2013). Zolpidem and driving impairment—Identifying persons at risk. The New England Journal of Medicine, 369(8), 689-691.

Hall-Porter JM; Schweitzer PK; Eisenstein RD; Ahmed HAH; Walsh JK. (2014). The effect of two benzodiazepine receptor agonist hypnotics on sleep-dependent memory consolidation. J Clin Sleep Med, 10, 27-34.

Huang, Yuli; Mai, Weiyi; Cai, Xiaoyan; Hu, Yunzhao; Song, Yuanbin; Qiu, Ruofeng; Wu, Yanxian; Kuang, J. (2012). The effect of zolpidem on sleep quality, stress status, and nondipping hypertension. Sleep Medicine, 13, 263-268.

Pompéia, S.; Lucchesi, L. M.; Bueno, O. F. A.; Manzano, G. M.; Tufik, S. (2004). Zolpidem and memory: A study using the process-dissociation procedure. Psychopharmacology, 174, 327-333.

Stranks, Elizabeth K.; Crowe, Simon F. (2014). The acute cognitive effects of zopiclone, zolpidem, zaleplon, and eszopiclone: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, 36, 691-700.

Wesensten, N. J., Balkin, T. J., Belenky, G. L. (1995). Effects of daytime administration of zolpidem versus triazolam on memory. European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology, 48, 115-122.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2BG5rjP
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177361482645

Five Ways to Turn Your Child’s Outbursts into Future Success

Deep down parents of kids with big emotions all have the same fears: is my child going to be ok without me? Is my kid going to be able to grow up into a healthy happy adult? The answer is: yes and there can be a silver lining in your child’s emotional dysregulation.

With each outburst children have an opportunity to grow and learn. Managing difficult emotions now (frustration, oversensitivity, disappointment, anxiety, rigid thinking) offers the opportunity to develop emotional muscle memory. It’s a chance to practice one of the most important skills for life success — resilience.

Whether it’s getting pushed on the playground or turned down for a great career opportunity, the underlying emotional and physical mechanics are the same. Learning how to turn these negatives into a positive is a skill that everyone can practice and develop — beginning in childhood.

Here is my quick breakdown of five different outbursts you may be seeing today that can mean success for your child later on.

1. Frustration now means advocacy later.

Frustration is a product of: (1) knowing what one wants and (2) acutely expressing disappointment about not getting these wants. This is actually a good thing. If you had a quiet shy child easily manipulated on the playground, you would likely be worried in a very different way.

Expressing frustration is the first step to becoming an independent, willful human being. While a full-blown outburst may be undesirable in a grocery store, this trait, when managed, creates a strong, independent adult willing to stand up for what she believes in. It can be a tough ride, but with practice and time your frustrated child now will turn into strong advocate for what is right, true and good in the world.

2. Over-sensitivity now means empathic later.

I often tell parents that sensitivity is a gift. It might break your heart to see your child cry at a birthday party while other children are giggling. However, with careful guidance and practice these sensitive traits can be channeled into empathy and creativity. Some of the world’s greatest artists, inventors and visionaries had big emotions as children.

The art of learning how to “feel deeply” begins as a child: 1) kids need to learn to acknowledge their sensitive emotions; 2) then they learn how to cope with them; 3) then they learn how to channel them into something bigger, better and more productive. Quite frankly I find that sensitive children become more interesting, nuanced, intuitive and thoughtful adults; my most favorite friends and colleagues were big-emotioned kids.

3. Disappointment now means resilience later.

Big and small disappointments are a part of your child’s life (not getting picked for a team, being shunned at recess, not being able to go to a beloved movie). As parents, it can be crushing to watch your child struggle with these painful let-downs. However, learning how to cope with these feelings of rejection, sadness, and disappointment is a really important life skill.

Let’s face it, all of us have had moments when we didn’t get what we wanted: a job, a college admission, a date, an athletic win. What determines our success is NOT what we didn’t get, but what we DID with our failures. This is a learned practice and a skill that comes with years of learning how to manage disappointment.

As parents it’s important (but hard) to remember that the big emotions surrounding disappointment are essentially building the necessary emotional muscle memory for later success. These emotional recoveries create resilience and equip kids with the belief that setbacks are simply a part of life — and not obstacles to achievements.

4. Anxiety now means conscientiousness later.

Anxiety can be crippling, making it hard for kids to complete tasks and feel safe in their environment. However, properly managed anxiety can be a very helpful trait. We are all born with anxiety. It’s in our DNA. We needed it back in the prehistoric times to help us escape from animals and search for food. It prevents us from doing dangerous things and helps us get important tasks done. However, gone awry- anxiety can be debilitating.

Kids need to learn how to practice managing their anxiety — taking the good and doing away with the bad. When effective, anxiety becomes conscientiousness (you meet your deadlines, you complete your homework, you look both ways before crossing the street). Just like any skill, learning how to channel your anxiety into the positive takes practice. Its normal for your kids now to have moments when it gets the best of them; and it’s perfectly acceptable that they would have to practice pushing through the moments that are scary in order to learn which moments are good to push and when it’s good to be afraid.

Some of the most successful humans I know have struggled with significant anxiety, but because they learned how to properly manage and channel — they have flipped these debilitating feelings into a skill and secret weapon.

5. Rigidity now means creative thinker later.

Rigid thinking is really an expression of: (1) seeing the world differently and (2) and unwillingness to cave to another’s perspective. Expressed loudly in public when faced with normal parental limits these traits seem tedious, “Why can’t my child just do as he is told?” However, when managed, your child can learn to turn their unconventional thoughts and strong resolve into creativity and big thinking adults. Again, as with most of these outbursts, in the moment it is difficult as a parent to see the positive in an oppositional child but with practice these kids can begin to learn how to maintain their convictions AND compromise to function with others. Some of my favorite creative big thinkers today tell me that they tortured their parents as children!

Parents, buckle up, none of this is easy. Channeling big emotions into later success requires patience, love and a lot of hope. But — it is possible. Very few achievements in life occur without practice and hard work. Just like a sport, school subject, music or art — these skills take practice. It’s also important to remember that progress, for all of us, especially children, is not linear. Try, if you can, to celebrate the small wins along the way with the knowledge that what feels like steps backwards may actually be laying the foundation for incredible steps forward.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2wh1nR3
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177271420705

Suicide Can Bring a Complicated Type of Grief

The path of grief is never a straight line.

I got the call on a Wednesday evening from my husband. Earlier in the day, he had driven by a cliff where traffic had been stopped, with helicopters and fire engines on the scene. He had heard that a truck had gone over the cliff, but that’s all he knew. Later that day, he found out the truck had been driven by our friend. The place where it was driven off the cliff made it clear that it had been purposeful.

The day before, I had heard news of Kate Spade’s suicide, and that same morning, had heard statistics on npr about the rising number of suicides in America, calling it an “epidemic.” The next day, I heard about Anthony Bourdain. The collective confusion and grief was accentuated by the suicide of our friend, who was only 46, and leaves behind two teenage daughters who will never really know the big-hearted, fun-loving, extreme athlete that was their father.

Deep wells of grief sprang open inside of me for these girls—I know the pain and confusion of losing a father to suicide. My dad took his life almost five years ago and yet it feels like just last week when I come across an old friend and burst into tears at the memory of him. I don’t know if those moments of raw tenderness will ever stop. A friend recently told me that it is a sign of the love that I had for him- which is true- but I believe it’s more complicated. The path of grief is never a straight line. My father had been ill for years —a complicated illness fueled by addiction and depression. Rabbi Ben Kamin writes in his book The Blessing of Sorrow, “what is grief, if not the most painfully informative experience we humans come to know? It is also a chance to visit with somebody who is gone from this world. We do best homage to our dead when we apply the truth to our visits—just as we tried to do when they were on this side.”

The service for our friend was held last weekend. Friends streamed to the beach, carrying flowers and surfboards for the paddle out. We all wished he could have seen how many lives he had touched, how much love there was, and is, for him. The family made the difficult decision to speak openly about his struggles and his death—I imagine this was not an easy decision, but it was a powerful one. The complexity of emotions being felt were honored—sadness for the loss, guilt that we hadn’t been able to help him, and anger that he had made the choice he made were spoken of in equal measure. I felt a palpable relief in the group around me as the truth of our complicated feelings were said aloud.

The takeaway for each of us was to love each other, to look around and see our community. If we feel hopeless, reach out. If we see someone struggling, take the time to help that person, or help them find someone that can help them. I know from experience that it’s not as simple as that. Addiction and mental illness do not present themselves in an uncomplicated way. There are people who will feel there is not a way out of their pain. The last words from my father, left on a voice message, were “I just can’t take it anymore.” How I wish I could have helped him bear his burden, figured out a way to do something I hadn’t done.

Dr. Nadine Kaslow, former president of the American Psychological Association, spoke recently on NPR and offered these suggestions for how we can start to make a difference in this epidemic:

  • Reach out. Most importantly, says Kaslow, “ I think all of us need to do a better job connecting to each other—reaching out to our friends, our colleagues, our neighbors—and not just reaching out once but continuing to reach out to each other. I think we all need to be part of the solution to this problem”
  • Make mental health services more accessible and affordable. Often mental health issues go undiagnosed or left untreated because of financial barriers.
  • Teach kids coping skills. Life stressors are only going to increase. When we teach children methods for handling stress, we are giving them a chance to make it through those challenging times.
  • Ask for help. Kaslow suggests reaching out for help if you are feeling lost and suicidal. She suggests hotlines, clergy, doctors and friends – and even apps that you can turn to that can be helpful. And finally, she implores, “please reach out to mental health professionals when you really are struggling—there is help, there are evidence-based psychotherapies can really make a difference and help you feel better about yourself and your life.”

In the wake of the suicide, I heard comments of anger and blame, “look what he did to his family, how could he?” My only response is that he clearly couldn’t see another way. Both our friend, and my father, loved his children more than anything. In that moment, as I imagine it, they just needed the anguish and the pain to be over—and felt they had nowhere to turn.

Rose McGowan spoke out after Anthony Bourdain’s death, and offered these words for anyone struggling—I wish I could have spoken them to my father five years ago, and to our friend two weeks ago:

If you are considering suicide, reach out. We need you here. You matter. You exist. You count. There is help a phone call away, reach out.

USA: (800) 273-8255

United Kingdom: 08457909090

For a USA Crisis Text Line, please text CONNECT to 741741 from anywhere in the USA, anytime, about any type of crisis.

This post courtesy of Spirituality & Health.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2MpI1Ed
via theshiningmind.com
from Tumblr http://erraticfairy.tumblr.com/post/177257463910